just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
