So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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