I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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