So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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