he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
