I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
