Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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