Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
