I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
