I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
