He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
