mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
