i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
