Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize