We won't sleep together?
if you like me you must not know who I am
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is the high leading the old right now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
