i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
tell me about the eggs
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