I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
