i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my sisters under your porch take her home
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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