Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
