I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
