He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
