i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Randomize
