Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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