She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Someone shit on the floor
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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