who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
