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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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