some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
