my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
