omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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