Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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