i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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