1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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