I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
