Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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