Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
