Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Floor bacon is actually really good
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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