she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
