you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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