Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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