he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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