A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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