I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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