HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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