that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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