i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
