i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize