for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
