The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize