i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize