just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
