hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
