Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
