you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She bit a glass in half.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm having to shit out rocks
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
