Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
