don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
