32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
