I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
