I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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