it's not cheating when I paid for it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
