Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
