I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
