there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He better not be in your backpack
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
