i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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