Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
