That's when you crack a 10am beer
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
