I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
