Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
