Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
