He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
