8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
