Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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