hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
