So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
