stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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