6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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